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[10 May 2005|10:59pm] |
A lot has happend, too lazy to post will do tomorrow or so.. :/
O yeah "Blue Orchid" aaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh =)
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[01 Apr 2005|10:10pm] |
Things are not going as I want them to go and that's very frustrating :x
Have a good weekend 'all, please give me one too lol
I NEED IT, thanks
♥
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[29 Mar 2005|10:22pm] |
Oh yeah i forgot one more thing..
The new White Stripes cd has a release date!
oh my gawd,oh my gawd,oh my gawd,oh my gawd,oh my gawd,oh my gawd,oh my gawd,oh my gawd,oh my gawd
14 June little rock and roller's
♥
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| thoughts, just thoughts |
[29 Mar 2005|10:16pm] |
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music |
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Bright Eyes // Train Under Water |
] |
[ Uncomfortable //  // ]
Oh my god this last weekend was horrible and fantastic at the same time.
I have a boyfriend and i should be happy but inside I'm not. We had dinner and kissed a lot lol
He knows a little about my problems but not everything and it's so hard to tell them to him because I don't know if I can trust him.
I often asked him why he wants me someone like me when he can have almost every girl he wants?
Every other girl that isn't depressed, doesn't have a self low image about herself and who isn't fucked up.
And he doesn't understand why I think this way, and why i am so insecure about myself because in his eyes I'm so pretty and everything blablabla bullshit.
It's so hard to believe that i can get a guy like him, he has a sixpack and everything but I normally don't fall for those kind of guys.
no really.
But I see that he is diffirent, at least that's how he comes over to me, for the time we know eachother like 3 day's lol
Oh yeah I only may see him in the weekends because of school and everything, but it's fine by me.
I don't know how long this is going to last but we'll see..
I also get very nervous when he's around I hate it, I lost my appetite for almost 2 days is that normal? :/ Someone please tell me.
He gave me his necklage and I didn't gave him shit.
Bought Bright Eyes album " I'm Wide Awake It's Morning " sooo beautifullllll ♥♥♥
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[24 Mar 2005|11:57pm] |
Since yesterday I have a boyfriend..
♥
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| plain plain |
[22 Mar 2005|10:16pm] |
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music |
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The Doors // Riders On The Storm |
] |
[ Artistic //  // ]
The whole psychologist thing today went better then expected, but I still feel that I'm a weird case or something.
She was very strict with the questions she asked and she came over as a woman who has more then 1000 people visting her office a day.
Kind of plain.. :/
I don't know what to think of it, she said she's going to call me later this week with the final result of what is going to happen with me.
In other words what kind of treatment I need, but before she does anything she has to talk to my doctor first for what the best solution is.
She did talk about some institution called RIAGG.
But my mom had heard very negative feedback about them on a specific location here in Rotterdam so my mom inmediatley said that she didn't want me there on that location. There is another location of RIAGG very close to where I live so I probably will go there for treatment.
I litterly throwed my sisters The Doors - Best Of Cd ( one of the thousends I guess) on my Ipod today lol, Break On Through is such a shake ya boogy woogy song!! Something that made me happy today was listening to it =)
Rock 'n Roll to the maximum.. Jim oh Jim.. you beautiful poet you.
♥
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[16 Mar 2005|11:20pm] |
Next Tuesday I have an appointment with my psychologist at 3 o'clock pm.
Today the doctor arranged that for me.
I'm scared.
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| Austria and stuff.. |
[11 Mar 2005|07:22pm] |
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music |
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Elliot Smith // Twillight |
] |
[ Depressed //  // ]
Hi everyone it's been a while since I updated..
A lot has happend since I was gone, been to Austria last week for a whole week with school. And I had a horrible time.. :x
Musclepain everywhere... first time on skies and the last time for sure. Fucking ear pain the whole week because of the fucking skilift and the pressure you get from that x_x
Horrible people around me the whole time..blah I got irritated about almost everything.
I was so glad I finally got home last Sunday, my own bed, my own shower my own stuff. haha now I sound like a spoiled brat but everything was just so fucked up. I got some photo's, I love the ones about the view in the high mountains only that was so beautiful to see during the whole trip. Also been a day in Innsbruck, but we had to little time to see anything interesting :/
And besides that my school is a problem too, monday I have a converstation with my mentor and my mom has to be there too, i hate school and they finally notice that after one year and a half. I really think I picked the wrong education, it's so fucked up everything. And next year I'm suppose to work as a trainee for 6 months in a foreign country.. and I don't think I can handle that. I have so much fears and insecurities about my self it drives me crazy. Why am i not the confident biatch who can do everything the hell she wants to do? My mom thinks I should go to a psychologist.. and maybe I will do that because I don't know what to do anymore with my life..I have no goal. Arghh that's sounds so depressing but guess what I am depressed. And I can't hold it quiet any longer.. although i know my mom doesn't understand me. I feel like some fucked up Donnie Darko or something, fucking self complex. I hate it.
Oh and I lately discovered a beautiful talent in music making, Elliot Smith. His last album he made before he commited suicide is sooo beautiful. I can relate so much to it. If you haven't heard of him, go get his album "From A Basement On The Hill" . I must have more stuff from that man. When I found out he passed away already 2 years ago i got so sad..
Here are some photo's a friend of mine took in Austria, I'm the one with the brown hair, I warned you I am not a supermodel ok..
( Pictures )
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| school nightmares |
[07 Feb 2005|10:19pm] |
[ Lazy //  // ]
Today we had to do a presentation in front of the whole class, it had to be about a city in The Netherlands we'd chosen Wassenaar.
Ans we had to talk about it for at least 20 minutes, then you would pass.
Me and my friend Sabrina didn't, we had 18 minutes and our presentation sucked, our whole powerpoint shit was fucked up too.
We got a 5 as our final mark, and besides that our teacher told us that he was being soft giving us that kind of mark because, if he wanted to he could give us an even a lower one. :x hahah
But I really don't care, I just don't.
*goes to sleep*
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| Remembrance |
[01 Feb 2005|10:49pm] |
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music |
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Jane Siberry // It Can't Rain All The Time |
] |
[ Sad //  // ]
I feel exhausted damn, got up 6 am today to work at my trainee report on the computer.
Yesterday it became very late so I didn't have any time to do it then and because I had to give it to my trainee teacher today I had to get up that early. I'm gonna sleep like a baby today =))
O yeah people today's Brandon Lee's 40th birthday, I kinda feel sad remembering him on this day :(
If only I could go to Seattle..:x
*sigh*
R E S P E C T
♥
( Brandon Lee )
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[30 Jan 2005|08:51pm] |
[ Content //  // ]
It's my birthday today, 4 hours left and then it's already over =(
Today 18 is the magic number...
I officially became an adult, whatever that means.. :/
♥
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[26 Jan 2005|11:39pm] |
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music |
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Nancy Sinatra // Bang Bang My Baby Shot Me Down |
] |
[ Freaked Out //  // ]
I got my iPod today =) And I'm like the happiest freak on the planet right now.
I got it sooner then planned, and I may not open it until sunday because then it's my birthday =)
When I'm looking at the box, I just get freaked out..., I want it and I want it now :x
Bought clothes today whoeii, and booked our vacation to Portugal for 2 weeks.
I'm so excited about that I'm going to see my great aunt and uncle again =) I ♥ my family over there..
And my mom also bought a whole new livingroom the other week, all Italian style it's looks fucking beautiful.
Can't wait till we actually get it..
I wonder, do my parents have money to much or something? Hmmz..
Nahh they just saved alot I guess, last year they didn't go on vacation :/ I did.
I must comment on your journals I know...
♥
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| Cemetery Talk |
[18 Jan 2005|08:40pm] |
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music |
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Jane Siberry // Red High Heels |
] |
[ Shocked //  // ]
I hate those Lay's Sensations chips, they made me throw up 2 days ago :x
So yesterday I went grossery shopping with my mom and we were sitting in the car on our way to the mall, and we had to ride pass a cemetery.
And I just had to look at it, I always do maybe I'm a little morbid but actually it's kind of a quiet peacefull place to be I think. It looks beautiful with all those big statues and such. Twice a year I go to a cemetery that is an half a hour to ride away from where I live. My aunt and my uncle are buried there, but I never knew them because they were already dead before I was even born. My aunt shares a grave with some woman who died short after her, but we don't know her at all. That's just how it goes here in holland I suppose don't know about the rest of the world. After someone dies and there is space to short they gonna drop you in a grave with someone who is a complete stranger to you :/
And a few months after my aunt died, my uncle died too and his last wish was to be buried together with my aunt so that they could be together again.
My mom tried everything to make his last wish come true from what I've heard but sadly she didn't accomplished =(
My mom needed permission from the family of the woman that was buried together with my aunt, because if my uncle would be buried with my aunt they had to open the grave from my aunt again. And the woman that was buried with my aunt was the latest that came into the grave so her coffin was like on my aunts coffin and the family of that woman didn't gave permission to open the grave, so it was a closed case.
And now my uncle is buried 4 graves further then where my aunt's lays, all alone and sometimes that really makes me sad...
But when I'm there I just take a walk and look at all those beautiful head stones and inscriptions in graves. I think I'm just curious..
Because of a look at a grave or inscription you feel like you get to see a little of the person how he was in life and how he is missed by his survivors.
Last time I went, people had stolen the flowers from my aunt and placed them on a other persons grave, a few graves further ..:x
And they do that a lot to other people who are buried there too I've heard. But if you go to the children section of the cemetery, you will be overwhelmed by what you see, stuffed animals, drawings, candles, poems and nothing there get's stolen. I can understand why in some way but aren't we all the same.. I find it so disrespectful to do such a thing, no matter which age the deceased is , it just ain't right.. everyone deserves their flowers and respect and their immortallity
Oh yeah and one more thing I don't understand..
If you die, and you get a grave that you hire for 20 years because paying a grave here is very difficult if you don't own those big checks of money.
When those 20 years expire you will be digged up and you get burned (cremated) after all, because you have to make place for "new" people.
So when you finally made a decision, [which for some people is quite difficult I can understand] to be buried in a grave you also know that 20 years later you will be burned after all. So what's the point to be buried at all? :/
My portuguese grandmother that I also never knew is buried in Portugal, but there are the costs of buying a grave much lower then here in the Netherlands.
And there you will have the immortal life of staying in your grave, there you will lay forever and you don't have to be afraid that after the 20 years are over you will be digged up to get burned. Also a plus, the weather is always nice =)
I already thought about what I want my headstone to say..
[ Space For Rent After 20 Years ]
:/
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| Sick, Sicker, Sickest |
[13 Jan 2005|10:52pm] |
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music |
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Graeme Revell // The Crow Soundtrack // Pain and Retribution |
] |
[ High //  // ]
Everyone's sick :x
My sister, nephew, my little niece blah.
I just hope I don't get the virus they have, thank you :/
My birthday is over 2 weeks, how exciting lol
And because of that, my mom asked me a to make a list of some things I really wanted to have.
I said that I didn't want anything but she refused to take that as an answer.
After some hard thinking I finally made a list with some things.
I asked 3 books, but I don't think she will ever find them here anywhere :x
The rest of the list isn't that important, neither are the books.. but who cares.
I see what I get, I really don't care for it that much.
I do wanna go to the movie with 2 of my closest friends, and eat mc donalds..
Just the standard thing to to I guess, and after that were going to have a sleeping over party at my house and watch some bad old B horror movies from the 70's -80's till the next morning...
What a world, what a wonderful world...
♥
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| I could see in his eyes, white flowers,cups of coffee and love letters.. |
[10 Jan 2005|11:22pm] |
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music |
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Jane Siberry // Long Pirouette |
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[ Relaxed //  // ]
So yeah here I am again..
Didn't do much today, sleeping - get up - get dressed - watched "Under Blackpool Lights" for the I-don't-know-how-many time..
And then, there she was my little niece ( Mandy ) she's the little light in my life, I ♥ her so much.
I got the message from my sister that I had to babysit on her, because she needed to swim with my little nephew Davy.
If only my kids later will have something of her spirit in them I would be the happiest mom in the world =)
But then again I don't think I'm going to be a mother.. I just don't see that happen..
No marriage also, I'm nobody's wife..
I downloaded an album of Jane Siberry called "Teenager" the other day, only because I can't find any of her albums here in the record stores.
She's so underrated here ugh, and I totally don't understand why she's an amzing artist... for god's sake she's Canadian! lol
But if I see any of her albums here in a store, I will buy them because I want to support her...
♥
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| Look at this beauty.. |
[07 Jan 2005|10:41pm] |
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music |
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Jane Siberry // Mimi On The Beach |
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[ Excited //  // ]
I'm so excited got my ordered Crow-Brandon Lee action figure today & my new White Stripes calendar =))
Shameless show off post here, but I couldn't resist.
I ♥ it so much, he looks so real too, well may it for the money it costed..geez.. oh fuck it..
He says 5 phrases from the movie =))
I'm giving him a nice spot next to my Edward Scissorhands action figure =)
( It talks! )
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| Eye toy fucking rocks =) |
[04 Jan 2005|10:25pm] |
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music |
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Jane Siberry // Love Is Everything |
] |
[ sympathetic //  // ]
Nothing happend today.. blah
It was quite boring to be honest.
Yesterday was fun, played with Davy's (my little nephew) eyetoy on the playstation lol and almost broke his tv but that's ok they have 3 more in the house so..
And we ate Mac Donalds, it's been a while since I ate Mac Donalds months really..
So it feels so good when your having Mac Donalds after such a long time..
The quarter pounder tastes 10 times better then..
Did I mention useless post???
:x
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| Happy New 2005 |
[31 Dec 2004|09:07pm] |
3 hours left to 2005!! =))
Happy New Year to everyone who reads this!!!
♥
Angelique
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[29 Dec 2004|10:08pm] |
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music |
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Blanche // Jack On Fire |
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[ Pissed Off //  // ]
My christmas holidays were so much fun in Germany! =)
I hope everyone had wonderful and awesome christmas holidays =)
The house we rented was so cool, we all had our own bathtub and shower in our sleeping rooms.
We all have eaten ourselfs to death to ressurect the next morning for some more food. I can't see anymore food O_O
I went swimming with my little nephew Davy who wasn't scared to go into the deep water anymore, now he's been on swimming classes.
My brother in law went through his ankle, he still can't walk right.. lol.
It only was a little to short if you ask me, the drive to it was horrible..
My dog got with us and was set next to me on the backseat of the car.. he threw up 2 times (nice.. -_-) and the smell was unbearable.
I was kinda sick the whole trip, the same day before we left I had to go to the docter. My stomach hurt like a motherfucker and thinking of going to Germany made me even more sick. I did not feel well the time we spent in germany but l didn't want that to spoil the whole vacation for me so I just took a lot of painkillers with me. It helped a little..
My hair is brown now and I really like it, it so much better now =)
Today I was pissed off at anything my parents asked me to do, first they wanted me to clean my room, next the bathroom..
If your asking me nicely offcourse I will do it, but no they had to shout and yell and I had to hear that I don't do shit all day and more of that kinda parent talk. I just wanted them to fuck off, and my dad was the worst of the two.
I sometimes really hate him, he never had a father himself because he died when he only was 5 months.
And because of that sometimes I really ask myself "How can you be a good father, you never had one yourself so you don't know how to handle or what it's like".
Maybe that's a little hard to say but how he treats me sometimes is even more harder.. but I don't want to get into detail there.
UGH, merry x-mas ya'll..
♥
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